Lessons Learned

The other day I was on facebook and my cousin had posted about a breakup. Understandably, she was sad. It got me thinking. I think everything we go through in life helps us to be who we are. As much as some of the things in my past have hurt me, I would not be who I am today without them. I think the most important thing is to figure out what the experience taught you, because the only bad mistake is the one you don't learn from. I also think that in love we should suffer some heartbreak. How would we even recognize real love without the knowledge of what it feels like when it's not right? Not only that, when the right person does come along, how would we be able to appreciate how sweet it really is if we hadn't experienced a lesser relationship? A GOOD relationship deserves that. It deserves to be truly appreciated.
So, for my cousin, I am posting this. I wrote this after a "lesser" relationship ended. Although I was distraught, it was an important time in my life. I don't look at it the same way anymore. I have no hard feelings and no resentment. What I realized is that HIS motives didn't matter. Whether you fell for a "player" or just someone with different values than yours, in the end, it doesn't matter. Who cares! What is important is you, and recognizing what the experience did for YOU! We can choose to dwell on "what-if", or we can find a life lesson. As for me, I found myself.


God certainly does work in mysterious ways. Sometimes we learn some of our greatest lessons through our most painful and trying times. It can take a while for these lessons to be recognized and time really is a wonderful healer. It is also an eye-opener. Going through the trials of a painful time it can be almost impossible to see the good that will come from the pain. However, when you emerge on the other side, things can be viewed a little more clearly.
After my divorce, life was so unsure for me. I had never been on my own. I went straight from my father’s house, and his heavy hand, to that of my husband’s. Now, my ex-husband was not a bad man, there was just an unwritten rule of how a wife should live. I tried, I really did. For fourteen years I tried. I guess when you spend your whole life being what someone else thinks you should be, one day that mold will crack. When that happens, the world around you will turn upside down. Although my shell had busted and I had the freedom to be me, I didn’t really know who “me” was. I had always lived as I was expected to. It was very frightening. I was 33 years old, on my own for the first time in my life, and I didn’t know much about this woman I lived with. Then, along came a man.
This man was like no other I had ever met. He lived life to the very fullest. Like every other human on Earth, he had trials, but he didn’t let the bad things define or limit him. He knew who he was and he was comfortable with himself, no matter who else was. It was liberating to see, and oh so very contagious. I found myself experiencing new things and new feelings everyday. It was a glorious journey of self-discovery. Not only was he getting to know me, I was getting to know me as well. What a time it was! In just a few short months my eyes were opened to a new world. A new and exciting world that had always been just out of my grasp. To say that I liked it would be a drastic understatement. I loved it! It was as if he took me by the hand and helped me knock down all the walls that had held me in for so long. I was exhilarated. I was enlightened. I was free.
The crash that hit me when it was over was not pretty. I had held on to him for dear life through this incredible ride. Looking back, I know I held on too hard. At the time, I think I was afraid of becoming the fearful woman I was before I met him. So when it was over, I fell so very hard. I was confused and afraid all over again. This time however, it was not fear of the unknown, but fear of losing the person that I was when I was with him. For a while I did lose her. Or at least I thought I did. But she was still with me. She was just buried under the dreadful pain. Buried and waiting for me to heal. It took almost two years to truly get there. But here I am, on the other side.
As I said, God does work in mysterious ways, lessons are learned through pain, and time is a wonderful healer. If I had not met this man I would not be the woman I am today, and I like me. I know who I am even if no one else does. Through my experience with him I gained much needed confidence and self-assuredness. He took me on the most magical journey of my life and I am so grateful to God that I was able to experience that. I received many gifts from my time with him. When I came out on the other side of the pain I was stronger, wiser, and bolder than before. It was my crossroads. And when I emerged, he had introduced me to Talisha.